Counseling

Counseling.

I went today, with the husband, to see a new counselor. He was a neutral third party that neither of us had met with before, and neither of us knew.

I really liked him and felt that he was able to hear and relate to my feelings and to the husband's. Not entirely sure how the husband felt about him. I think he probably heard some things today that he didn't want to hear. However, they were things that he needed to hear.

Our counselor kept saying to him, 'This isn't about you. This is about her.' And, 'You need to realize how thankful you should be that she is even willing to sit in a room with you.'

I felt like he, the counselor, 'got' me and what I am experiencing. And, I felt like he helped me have a voice that was heard.

I do feel, though, that the husband probably missed a lot because he seemed to get defensive. Did he miss too much? Only time will tell.

I feel like I have found some peace, though, in saying the things that I said today. I don't know if I said all that I wanted to. At this point, I'm not having moments of 'I wish I had said...', so maybe that is a good sign.

I don't know that I will ever go back, either. It is something that I will pray about. But, where I stand right now is... I don't feel the need to go back. I feel like I am at peace with all that has transpired. I don't feel like there are words left unspoken. And, I do feel that I said what I needed to say in a honest and loving way. I don't think I spoke in bitterness, and definitely not haste, because I have thought and prayed about what I would say for a long time.

I told the counselor and the husband today that at this point I won't ask my attorney to put this divorce on hold. I have not seen the transparency and changes in the husband that makes me feel like putting it on hold is the right thing to do.

I'm not shutting the door on anything at this point. And, I'm praying for God's will... Whatever that may be. So, we'll see. We'll see if the things the counselor said registers. We'll see if there is a difference in attitude. And, we'll see what happens tomorrow, and the next day, and each and every day that follows. Because that's all I can do.

xoxo